Navigating Big Life Events

In 2023, not only did I become a mom. I was, and still am in the process of a divorce. I built a relationship with a new partner, I enjoyed growing my son for nine months during the pregnancy, and I didn't live in a settled home for almost a year.

Just one of those life events would be a big enough change in itself, but throwing it all together at times was immensely stressful and I felt anxious. But I knew it would pass. It was definitely a roller coaster of emotions and experiences. I knew I needed to process it rather than shove it all under the carpet so that I could come out the other side feeling as centred as possible.

Here are the seven steps that helped me to navigate these big life events.

Step one, take a leap of faith. I decided to step off a path well known and onto one that was completely new. I did this because I listened to the niggles inside calling me towards something else. I've never been religious, but I had felt more connected to the universe and I had faith that this was what was meant to be and that life would unfold for me as it was supposed to if I simply continued to listen and grow. And it did way beyond what I could have imagined.

Step two, uplift your energetic frequency. I know being stuck in feelings of guilt, fear, grief and anger would really dim my light and drag me down. I've experienced depression before, and I know these emotions and their vibrations can have a significant impact on my mental and physical state. So I wanted to keep my body and mind uplifted.

So I offered myself a lot of love, acceptance and courage. I've mentioned before that emotions are energy in motion and to help release and shift them, I would regularly put music on, turn it up and start moving around. When I look on Spotify my most listened to songs from 2023 include I'm Good by David Guetta and Who You Are by Craig David and MNEK.

Other ways I tried to lift my vibration were by listening to loved based meditations. And I also spoke about three things I enjoyed each day. Even on the toughest days there were always moments of joy when I looked back over the day, which really helped me to gain some perspective.

I also practiced listening to what I needed and I took the break. I went for the warm shower, and ate my favourite foods. All of these things helped me to feel cared for. And you can find out more about energetic vibration in episode 42: Five Ways to Raise Your Vibration.

Step three was about reducing the trauma. Some of these life events could have and were in some ways traumatic. I was very aware that the same event can happen to more than one person and how that person experience it, determines how traumatic it might be. Well, that's what I believe anyway.

Whilst at times things felt heartbreaking or out of my control in 2023. What was in my control was how I would frame it. By that I mean the lens that I would see these events through and the story I would create around it and whether I was going to be the victim or the person who tried to move forwards. I always focused on finding solutions to the many challenges that cropped up along the way. I tried to empower myself in the best way that I could and sought professional help when I needed it. Knowing I was having a baby, gave me extra strength when I needed it.

Step four is regular journaling. Journaling, I've spoken about many times, and one of the real benefits of it, is that it always helps me to sleep better at night. And when I get a better sleep at night, I feel so much better mentally, and I can then make better decisions. But don't get me wrong, I still had countless nights of rough sleep, and it definitely could have been so much worse. Journaling was a real lifesaver for me. It gave me the space to process my thoughts and emotions, and get them down out of my mind and onto paper. I know when life is busy, it can be hard to find the space and time to do the process. I would often do my journaling in bed at night because then I cannot run out of time to do it as I will happily stay up an extra 10 minutes when I know it's going to help me to sleep and support me mentally. I've made this mistake in the past of not giving myself chance to process challenging times. So I knew this had to be a priority. And you can find out more about creating a journaling practice for yourself in episode 11: Out of Mind, on to Paper.

Step five is focus on what you are in control of. I was in control of looking after the baby growing inside my tummy. I took my vitamins, and ate nourishing food for both of us. I got outside and kept moving throughout the pregnancy to help keep me fit. I spoke to him and felt the baby and shared my love towards them. I purposely kept some stability in my work and self-care routines. I continued to drink my favourite peppermint tea. These constant foundations helped me to stay balanced when other things were moving and changing around me. The earth element in Ayurveda or the root chakra reminds us of the need for some consistency. And looking back, I think this really did make a big difference.

Step six is accept that it will be uncomfortable. During 2023, I wasn't entirely sure what many aspects of my future life would look like. There was a lot to let go of mentally and physically, including what I thought my life was going to look like and be with the new and certain reality. There was also so much to welcome in. I had to embrace opportunities, make aligned choices and have expectations that help to create the life I dreamed of. I knew that things being uncomfortable was not a reason to stay stuck in the comfort zone because on the other side of the discomfort, there is a new comfort zone full of love, safety and relaxation that I've found.

Over the years, I've developed the holistic tools to support myself from breath work to self massage and I had to utilise these. I had to really trust that things would work out and it was absolutely worth it. I love being a mom and my new family.

Step 7 is to speak to people in a similar situation. So this made such a difference to me. I regularly met with friends who understood some of the frustrations, upset and turmoil of a divorce and we shared our new experiences of the lives we were creating. I purposely sought out spending time with people where this was of mutual benefit for both of us. It was really therapeutic. It's amazing what perspective and healing can come from sharing stories.

So I invite you to perhaps be a little bit vulnerable if you're not good at opening up and start to reach out and share with other people in a similar situation to you if you're finding that you're going through a change. I also spent time speaking to people who were parents and accepted help to ensure that I'm as ready as possible for the birth of my son in December.

The power of connection and feeling seen, heard, supported and understood is fundamental, in my opinion, to navigate life's stressful events. And that's one of the things that I offer my clients. Often we don't need more information. There's so much out there in the wellness industry. We need some guidance to feel seen, heard, supported and help implement and make changes and let things evolve so that you feel so much better.

So when you think about change, does it excite you or does it scare you? Quite likely, it's a mix of both.

We only have one life. So I really invite you to keep moving forward, step by step. We can always grow and evolve.